Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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