Someone shit on the floor
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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