first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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