omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
