Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
