Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
