After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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