Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
