Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
