I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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