Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm really busy with my period
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