Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize