did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My vagina is officially offended.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize