I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
