Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
