dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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