if you like me you must not know who I am
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
