I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
