Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Randomize
