I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
