Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
