I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
