my vag is so smooth its legendary
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
