someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
