Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
