you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
