Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
