you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
