Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
