i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
