I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
