I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
