So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
