Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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