I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
