I'm gonna have a badass scar
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
