I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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