i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
