i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
