Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
