Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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