Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
