so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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