I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
