my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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