just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
