I'm so fucking centered right now
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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