"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
