There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
