You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
