I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
