I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
