you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize