How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
