1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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