Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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