I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
