i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
