I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
