butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
