My hand turned me down
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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