I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
