Can Purell be used as lube?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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