Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
