Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
