i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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