I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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