Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
