He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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