I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
