This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
