Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she smelled like a LAN party
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
