Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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