I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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