Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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