How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
