Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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