Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
