ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
