She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
