I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My pussy is not your playground.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Is Oprah even human
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
