Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Your cock deserves a montage
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
